Why it is important to cultivate your own garden?

Recently I had to watch a video called the school of life. I followed this channel for a long time since I had trouble with the working environment. I always have a syndrome that is about the panic disorder since I was a student. I took pills twice which was before joining the test of high school, and the other one was before I attended the class which was performing on the stage. I always feel distressed when I was studying, and anxious. I don’t know why. Someone said it was a symptom of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Or someone told me that you had autism or Asperger’s related characters. I wouldn’t deny that due to I couldn’t destroy the possibility that might help me. If I can be treat by those diagnoses, I would do it. But the truth is, I shouldn’t face it by my judgment. The fallacy can be hidden in an unfamiliar situation.

I don’t express too much emotion on the face or in any circumstances. However, it seems I can satisfy any other tastes which are related to their life experience. I live in Taiwan since I was a child and I know why they don’t like to explain the emotions.

I was fascinated by the beauty of mathematics, geometry, and calculus. when I was in elementary school, I didn’t get good grades. I suppose I didn’t like the simple calculations. But when I memorized the formula about them, I could feel how it works in nature and it gives me lots of inspiration in the life. Everything was perfect when I used it to do in the formula.

I can reveal the beauty of the geometry of the flowers or the construction. I don’t fascinate by nature before my family loves my career in the medical field. I was too stubborn to be kind to everybody. It is my personality I suppose. I can afford lots of things for other needs, but I don’t have enough patients to do it. And I realize I do have attention deficiency and it was caused by long-term anxiety since I was a person knowing too much knowledge. How can I experience such a flow in a bunch of information without pick up by the wisdom? The anxiety keeps chasing me when I have to pay attention to one particular activity, like reading textbooks which I do not love the subject. But once I read the content is my favorite, I will memorize it easily without any hesitation and blockage.